The final role of the Drama Triangle dynamic is the Rescuer. As the name implies, Rescuers are all about saving, protecting and helping solve the Victim’s problems.
Even though the Rescuers’ surface role is to be the fixer and problem solver for the Victim, they also have a subconscious drive to boost their own self-esteem by being appreciated and validated for their service. Rescuers’ care-taking efforts in support of the Victim provide meaning, purpose and a sense of fulfillment in the Rescuers’ lives.
Unconscious core beliefs are adopted in childhood and represent our interpretation of early family experiences. These are the influencers of life choices and personality leanings. Becoming enmeshed in the Drama Triangle energetic occurs as a result of those predispositions. Each participant in the Drama Triangle enters at a “starting gate” that reflects their self-identity and represents how they see and react in the world.
Rescuers are often an only child or can be the first-born or may have grown up in a family where there was a lot of chaos or conflict. As a child, the Rescuer was hyper-focused on how to keep from getting into trouble and how to keep the peace. They learned to achieve that goal by always trying to be good, being obedient to others’ authority and by fixing others. They grow up ignoring their own anxiety and issues because of their outward focus and end up helping others as an avoidance tactic.
Rescuers are caretakers and saviours who need dependent Victims to justify their actions. They:
The Rescuer creates a codependent relationship with the Victim by encouraging and enabling their victimhood (‘poor thing, you are so powerless. Here, let me help you’). The Victim is happy because their needs (problem solving, direction, decisions) are getting met and the Rescuer is solving problems and receiving validation and appreciation for their efforts.
The connection between the Rescuer and Victim can become a push-pull between acceptance of the interactions and resentment of them from both sides, which can cause role reversal or change:
The Drama Triangle has a potent healing message for all the players. Each role represents a quality or characteristic that the other two positions need to integrate in order to achieve inner balance. When the Rescuer connects with their needs, accepts their anger, and understands how letting go of fixing others can heal their own inner struggles, the potential for genuine caring, respectful support and honouring anothers’ capability and intelligence is possible.
A Rescuer’s Pledge
“My life is an upward search – moving stubbornly toward the light – and you can come along with me, or I’ll see you later.”
“I will always take care of myself – because I recognise that if I don’t take care of myself, then I can never offer my useful service or my authentic love to anybody.
“I will always work to fill my soul with grace and enthusiasm. Whatever energy overflows from me, I will happily and generously share it. But I will only share the overflow, because the rest of it, I need. I will not drain my wellspring to the dregs for anyone ever again, and mistakenly call that love.” ~ Sarah Barry (http://bit.ly/2f72Get)
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