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“Abandon the idea that you will forever be the victim of the things that have happened to you. Choose to be a victor.” ~ Seth Adam Smith

 

Do you recognise in yourself or in others how the role of victim is played out?

The dictionary defines ‘victim’ as someone who is harmed by or made to suffer under a circumstance or condition. Victimhood is the mental and emotional effect from having experienced (often from childhood) abuse and neglect or having endured the trauma of personal losses, betrayals or failures in life.

 

Victim Consciousness

Victim consciousness is a toxic pattern of thoughts and behaviours that develop your conviction that what happens to you is not your fault or your responsibility and that you are simply the innocent target of external circumstances beyond your control. It can generate a belief that you are worthless and powerless over your life, which results in dysfunctional expectations and destructive attitudes about your potential and well-being. This belief perpetuates a cycle of dependency and defeat that blocks your growth, stifles fulfillment and prevents happiness in life.

 

Recognising Victim Behaviour

Victim consciousness with all its hopelessness, shame and feelings of disempowerment creates recognisable behaviours in someone who lives their life looking through that lens. They will:

• seek sympathy and look for someone to ‘save’ them;
• be masterful at manipulating and guilting others in to taking care of them so they can get their needs met and feel safe;
• feel shamed by and resentful towards whoever does try to rescue them;

• avoid making decisions, solving problems and taking responsibility because they believe they see themselves as incompetent, inferior, bad, and broken thus need others to support them;
• have a constant stream of thoughts, beliefs and experiences about how badly they are (and were) treated and tend to blame others for their circumstances;
• be unable to progress, take action, or be optimistic about life because their total identity is built on seeing themselves as permanently damaged with no hope of repair;
• may turn to self abuse in such forms as drugs, alcohol and food addictions or gambling habits and overspending.

 

From Victim to Victorious

 Changing embedded belief that you cannot stand on your own or live your life on your terms starts with recognising your present circumstances and understanding how your victim status has affected your life.

 

From there, with courage, strength, commitment and willingness to change, you:

• assume full responsibility for yourself,
• acknowledge your power and
• grow your self-leadership skills

  

7 Steps You Can Take to Become Empowered:

(1) Find support in such techniques as Breathwork to help you release and heal unconscious traumas and beliefs that feed your victim status.

(2) Become present to the present – identify and release the old stories about your helplessness that are not relevant to your life now. Make a list of your accomplishments and read them every day.

(3) Explore “Victim’s” Impact on Your life – journal about the negative and positive impacts of your victimhood and explore the life experiences that led to your victim consciousness.

(4) Use Affirmations to seed a new direction and access your personal power.

(5) Forgive, Refocus and Embrace Self-Love – be compassionate and open your heart to forgive yourself and others for your victim status.

(6) Find the Opportunity –learn to honour your resilience, be independent, make better choices that empower you

(7) Ask for what you want and need from others 100% of the time.

 

Beyond your state of Victim Consciousness lies the ability to embrace a bigger vision for your life that is all about growth, freedom and limitless possibility.

“You have been blessed with immeasurable power to make positive changes in your life.” – Steve Maraboli

 

Note: This is the first in a series of 3 posts that are based on the 1968 work of Stephen Karpman, MD, and Transactional Analysis practitioner called The Drama Triangle & Victim Consciousness, as well as adaptations of his work by Barry K. & Janae B. Weinhold, Ph.D.s .

 

What is your level of victim consciousness? Take this test ->

 

 

SELF-INVENTORY: VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS BELIEFS

By Barry K. & Janae B. Weinhold, Ph.D.s

 

Directions:

In the blank that precedes each statement below, using the key,

indicate the amount of time you believe the statement is true for you

. (1= Almost Never; 2= Sometimes; 3= Usually; and 4=Almost all the time)

 

___1. I believe that “Im Not Okay.”

___2. I feel life passing me by and can’t seem to change it.

___3. I feel bad about myself because of what others seem to be saying

about me.

___4. I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again.

___5. The world is a big scary place and I am helpless to change it.

___6. It feels like the world is against me keeping me down.

___7. The needs of others are more important than mine.

___8. When I do things for others they take advantage of me.

___9. I wish my life were different so that I could feel better.

___10. I let others put words in my mouth.

___11. When I get close to others, I get hurt.

___12. I have trouble listening to the feelings of others because this reminds me of my own.

___13. When I really open up to someone, they take advantage of me.

___14. If I were to start crying, I am afraid I could not stop.

___15. If I were to get angry, I might end up hurting someone.

___16. If I really felt my hurt and pain, it would overwhelm me.

___17. I feel rejected by others for unknown reasons.

___18. Bad things just seem to happen to me.

___19. Deep down I feel unlovable.

___20. When I think about my future, I have nothing to look forward to.

 

___ Total Score

 

Scoring and Interpretation:

Add the numbers in the left column and put the total in the blank above. Below is an interpretation of your score.

 

20-30 -Not many victim consciousness beliefs.

31-50 –Some victim consciousness beliefs.

51-80 –Considerable victim consciousness beliefs.

 

How many Victim Consciousness characteristics did you recognise in yourself? In others?

Feel free to ask a question or leave a comment to share your views on Victim Consciousness.

 

 

Visit www.johnstamoulos.com to find out more about the healing power of your breath through the powerful process of Breathwork.